From My Perspective.

So, I'm Denise. And you are...?
[Disclaimer: Photos, if aren't credited, are mine.]

I’ll admit it.

I haven’t been a good daughter. I’ve got my priorities wrong. I need to change.

How Do You Know When You Love Someone?

I used to believe that love was a light switch. Something flicks on. You get an overwhelming sensation. It hits you like a bag of bricks. Or a strong arrow. When you know, you know. Right? Not so much. After 38 years and an expired marriage, I don’t see love that way anymore. I’ve placed Cupid right next to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
Love is a series of choices. The first choice is based on many many factors, including chemistry, principles, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want/need… the list goes on and on, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the individual. Based on these factors, we either choose to begin the process to love or not. If we decide to enter this process, the action of loving can bring “light switch” moments. The way he looks at you. How hard she makes you laugh. The notes he hides in your purse. The way she makes you feel when you don’t feel anything.
But like an airplane flight, there is turbulence. The fights. The disagreements. The little things that bother you. His socks. Her shopping. You start wondering if you’ve made the right choice. Once you are in doubt, you have to make another choice: to continue to fly with this person or jump out of the plane. This choice is based on a thousand other factors, again depending on the individual and where they are in their journey. If you decide to jump, the scary free fall will either make you stronger (grow) or miserable (depressed). But sooner or later, you’ll find yourself back at the airport waiting to board another plane. Then you hit turbulence. Or maybe there is no turbulence. Maybe you’ve changed your mind about the destination. Either way, another choice. Fly or jump?
Love is making a choice every single day, to either love or not love. That’s it. It’s that simple. Either to continue the process or not. We fall in and out of love. Even in relationships, especially in relationships. This doesn’t mean we don’t love the person. It means we are left with a choice. There is a difference between feeling love for someone (caring about a person) and loving someone (choosing to love that person). You may have love for someone forever. But that doesn’t mean you choose to love that person forever. The choice to love is not a feeling; it is an action. That is why it is so difficult. It requires you to do something, and I’m not just talking about buying flowers. It might mean putting your wants aside. Also, like chemistry, the ability to love is not a constant. It is a variable. It fluctuates, depending on where you’re at in your life and what you’re struggling with. Sometimes it is easy to love. Sometimes it is extremely difficult. But at the end of the day, it’s always a choice.
Although love varies, it also deepens. This means the longer you stay on that flight and embark on the journey together, the more fruit the process with bare. Your investment pays off. Your choices become easier. You not only become stronger as a couple, but also as individuals, assuming the love process is healthy - which means you guys are both doing work. The choice to love creates opportunity to hit notes in life that you could never hit alone, and THIS is what makes your choice worth it.
So, how do you know if it’s love? That is not the question to ask. The question is: Do you choose to love this person or not? Right now. Not tomorrow. Today. Make a choice. Yes or no. If the answer is yes, love as hard as you can. Love with everything you’ve got (your capacity right now at this point in your life). If the answer is no, promise me one thing.
Let the fall make you stronger.

I’m scared. 

So many mistakes, so FREAKING cautious. 

To 2014 & Beyond;

It’s 2014 and time to reflect on the past year and it’s endeavours. 

2013 has gone by so quickly, from the collection of my A level results, to disappointment, to getting back up, to venturing abroad to Melbourne, to meeting new people, to immersing in a new culture, to facing challenges on my own, to partying, to having a hell lot of fun, to getting stressed over exams, to meeting a special someone, to facing hurdles, to growing stronger, to growing up. 

2013 has been nothing but good to me and I am grateful to be this fortunate. I’m grateful for the unconditional love of my family, the support of my friends at home whom I still feel close to as ever before, for the welcoming acceptance from my new friends in Melbourne. 

The last 2 months have been tiring, and I honestly feel like I’ve grown through these experiences. There are days where I doubt myself, asking if this is what I really want, and there are days where I tell myself to be strong because it’s worth it. Things could be simpler, and I pray that we will resolve this.

Today, I remind myself that I am young. I have much to learn, and discover. Be strong, and take things in your stride. Remember that life isn’t meant to be easy, and it’s only through hardships will you appreciate and find joy in the simplest things. 

2014, I want to be:

1. Stronger, emotionally and mentally; I want to be independent and not let the smallest things get to me and learn to face the consequences of my decisions.

2. Disciplined and organised, so that I get the best out of everyday

3. Kinder and more understanding, to the ones I love and anyone 

4. A better daughter, because my parents have given me so much and that’s the least I can do

5. Happier, because life is short, and there is no point letting mellow situations get to me and pull me down

6. Open to new experiences and people; and not retreat into my hole of comfort

7. Me, regardless of all these changes around me. I will not change who I am for the world, but only seek to improve myself.

In about 2 months, I’ll be 20. And life has just begun. 

fml. really.

I don’t even know what to feel anymore. It’s like I’ve gone numb. 

These past couple of months, it’s been like a roller coaster, but I haven’t had a day where my mind isn’t clouded with even the tiniest bit of worry or concern. I wake up with a worry, I fall asleep with worries. I just want to be me again, that girl who sleeps with worries but wakes up with a smile to face another great day. I want to be cheerful and positive as ever. But no, when I attempt and start to think that I’m doing it right, someone has to say something to beat me back down in the dumps all over again. 

But, I guess there isn’t room for denial or negativity, I just have to face it and make the call for myself. 

Remember, always be yourself, never change who you are for anyone, never change what you believe in. Be strong. 

Just let me be, won’t you? 

Stop trying to control people, we have our own minds, our own hearts. It’s just making us all so miserable, can’t you see it. 

I’ve made up my mind, don’t need to think it over
If I’m wrong I am right, don’t need to look no further
This ain’t lust, I know this is love

But if I tell the world, I’ll never say enough
‘Cause it was not said to you
And that’s exactly what I need to do if I’m in love with you with you

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

I build myself up and fly around in circles
Waiting as my heart drops and my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

—Adele- Chasing Pavements